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Top Ten Spook List
By the Horse

10. Blowing Paper
"At any moment it could whip up into our faces, covering our noses. We could suffocate. And don't try to tell us you'd do CPR."

9. Barking Dogs
" What? You've never read Steven King's CUJO?"

8. Puddles of Water
"Quicksand."

7. Trash Cans
"They've been known to swallow horses and transport them into another dimension."

6. Babies and Li'l Kids  "Long lost tribe of horse-eating pygmies."

5. Plaid Horse Blankets.
"Hey, when was the last time you wore plaid? It adds at least 100 lbs."

4. Ropes and Hoses on the Ground
"Dreaded North American trail snakes."                                                                           

3. Ponies.
"Cute, clever, hardy. They want to take over the World."

2. Windy Days.
"Two words: impending tornado."

And the number one scary thing in the minds of horses?

1. Carts and Wagons
Look. You put a human on our backs, we can always buck them off. But hitching a horse to a wheeled object. It's just not right. No matter how fast the horse trots, the dang cart is still running after him. Oh, the Horror!!!

  So funny it makes me roll!

How many horses does it take to change a light bulb? Here are the
answers...

Thoroughbred: Who ME?? Do WHAT? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta
here!

Arabian: Someone else do it. It might get my silky mane dirty and
besides, who's gonna read me the instructions?

Quarter Horse: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you
want.

Standardbred: Oh for Pete's sake, give me the darn bulb and let's be
done with it.

Shetland: Give it to me. I'll kill it and we won't have to worry about
it anymore.

Fresian: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this
mane.

Belgian: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can reach it then.

Warmblood: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't
anyone realize that I was sold for $75K as a yearling, but only
because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100K? I am NOT changing
lightbulbs.  Make the TB get back here and do it.

Morgan: Me! Me! Me! Pleeease let me! I wanna do it! I'm gonna do it! I
know how, really I do! Just watch! My owner said it's okay, really!
And when we're done we can go over to the neighbors and chase their cats!

Appaloosa: Ya'll are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the
light bulb, I ain't scared of the dark. And someone make that dang
Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double barrel him.

Dare to be different!

 Cowboy rules for life.....

Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
Your fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
Keep skunks and bankers and Lawyers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered,,,,,,, not yelled.
Meanness don't jest happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Don't sell your mule to buy a plough.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word........
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway......
Don't judge people by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with something that ain't bothering' you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.
The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his  face in the mirror every morning.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot  bigger'n you think.
Only cows know why they stampede.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure  it's still there with ya.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped'.
Never, Never . . . miss a good opportunity to shut up.

and......

Cowboy rule # 1: Don't squat with your spurs on!   

Murphys Horse Laws

1. If you do a thorough check of your trailer before hauling,
your truck will break down.

2. There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.

3. No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.

4. A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the
number of people who are watching.

5. Tack you hate never wears out; blankets you hate cannot be
destroyed; horses you hate cannot be sold and will outlive you.

6. Clipper blades will become dull only when the horse is half
finished. Clipper motors will quit only when you have the horse's head left to trim.

7. If you're wondering if you left the water on in the barn, you
did. If you're wondering if you latched the pasture gate, you didn't.

8. One horse isn't enough; two is too many.

9. If you approach within 50 feet of the barn in your "street
clothes," you will get dirty.

10. You can't push a horse on a lunge line.

11. If a horse is advertised "under $5,000," you can bet he isn't
$2,500.

12. The number of horses you own increases according to the
number of stalls in your barn.

13. An uncomplicated horse can be ruined with enough schooling.

14. You can't run a barn without baling twine.

15. Hoof picks migrate.

16. Wind velocity increases in direct proportion to how well your
hat fits.

17. There is no such thing as the "right feed."

18. If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most
recent injury.

19. The least useful horse in your barn eats to most, requires
corrective shoeing every three weeks and requires the services of the vet a minimum of once a month.

20. The horse you really want you can't afford. The horse you
can afford isn't for sale.

21. Bailing twine multiplies in the dark.

22. No one really learns how to swear until they learn how to
ride.

23. Ninety-eight percent of all horsefolk consider themselves
above average riders.

24. Balance is not hereditary.

25. Dressage tests always seem to be ridden next to a hang-glider
competition.

26. If there are two paths to choose, you will always choose the
wrong one.

27. The effort to keep from falling over a fence always hurts
more than falling off.

28. You always think to call the farrier when you're nowhere
near a phone.

29. When you want to prove a certain a horse is a complete pig,
it will perform flawlessly--and vice versa.
 

I AM a horse-aholic. I would like to welcome all of you to this month's online meeting of Horse-Aholicas Anonymous.
You may be sitting there thinking that you are OK, and don't really need any help. It is not easy to realize that you are a horse-aholic, and even harder to bring yourself to an HA meeting for help. HA is here to assist you. I have some
questions to ask to try to determine if you can be helped.
1. Can you say 'sheath' in public without blushing?
2. Do you know exactly what 'snaffle' means? (No, it is not a drink!)
3. Do you drive a truck with some type of towing package and/or dual rear wheel when everyone else you know drives a real car?
4. Do you have more than one type of trailer because you own horses?
5. Do you spend your holidays going to shows, sales, clinics, and seminars when everyone else goes on cruises?
6. Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make a doctor leave in disgust?
7. Do you consider formal wear clean jeans and freshly scraped boots?
8. Does the inside of your home look like your interior decorator is 'State Line Tack'?
9. Do you often have barn boots on your front porch?
10. Is your mail made up primarily of breed magazines and horse catalogs?
11. Do your shirt pockets often contain bits of feed, hay, and empty syringe covers?
12. Do you worry about paying your monthly feed bill before you think of paying your electric bill?
13. When you meet a person, do you ask how many horses they have, and pity them if the answer is none?
14. Do you remember the name of a great-great-great grandsire when you can't remember your own Great grandfather's name?
15. Is your primary dream in life to breed the perfect foal?
16. Do you find non-horse people boring?
17. Is 99% of your e-mail about horses?
18. Do you have a collection of bits even larger than your collection of horses?
19. Does you halter collection include more than four foal halters, all the same size?
20. Do you know more than five people this list fits exactly?

If you answered YES to three of these questions, you are in pretty good shape. You will lead a long, dull life, and never
call your mother and tell her "I'm in the hospital, but everything is fine! The horse is ok."
If you answered YES to 10, you are in serious trouble. Give in gracefully, and become a member of Horse-Aholics Anonymous, now!!! You will qualify eventually anyway. If you answered YES to 15 or more, you are incurable.
My advice to those who, like me, are incurable is as follows.....
Sit back, smile, read your email, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and better horses, and it
will never be boring.


 

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